it hurts more in the daytime
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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