please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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