i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
