I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
