i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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