Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
