i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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