You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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