After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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