This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
