I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Hippo gnu deer
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
