Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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