everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't deserve a penis
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
