I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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