Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
