You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Randomize
