The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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