these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
