Moan for me like Helen Keller
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sext me about skeletons
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
