Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
