We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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