he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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