i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
