So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
