Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
