is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
