she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
