oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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