he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
