If i come over, it means nothing
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
