help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
