Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Text me some of your sweat
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
