you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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