You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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