i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
