Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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