there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
