he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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