bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
