well I can't set my house on fire every night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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