God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
love makes seman taste better
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
