There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
