I think I died a long time ago.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
