I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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