Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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