Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
