we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
