I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
