This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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