Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
