Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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