he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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