I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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