hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
