exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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