Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
