That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
