Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I believe in your delicious
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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