i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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