Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
