Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
