You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
