Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
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47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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