What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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