the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
