Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
