You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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