we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
