it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
