Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
