Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
