I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
we should paint friendship bongs
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