This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
