I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
