In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
