no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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