Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
