I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
