My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
