please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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