Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
