people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
